I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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