Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
