too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
True strength comes from lack of pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
