i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
