Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
