Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it hurts more in the daytime
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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