Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
