his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
