chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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