Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
