That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
