She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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