The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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