Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We got so high we made milksteak
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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