I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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