Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
