Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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