Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
