....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
