well I can't set my house on fire every night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
