I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize