We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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