I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
