My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
