its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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