I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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