My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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