she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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