Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This baby is an asshole
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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