I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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