Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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