3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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