If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
