omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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