OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh god it's open bar.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
