How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He did a backflip because drugs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
