The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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