It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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