Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
