i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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