Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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