This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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