This is not my ceiling
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
