If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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