Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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