Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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