Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize