I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
