there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
