Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
