Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
