is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize