I didn't shave. On purpose
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize