I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
