O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
