Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
