Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
