according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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