looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
