Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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