one two three fourrrrnication!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
