I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
