I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
