I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
