Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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