areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
