I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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