mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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