so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
