Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish my penis had an off switch
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
