fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
