You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
